Emotions make us feel awkward and out of place. They make us feel very uncomfortable. We are very concerned with how our words will affect the person that we are speaking to. It is basically because we do not know how to approach a particular topic with someone. Realizing that helps you see the first step you need to take in order to hold a difficult conversation.
1. Practice matters
Think what you are going to say
and try it out in your head first of all. That will give you some idea about how
you will sound in this conversation.
2. Get your tone
right
Perhaps the best way to start a difficult conversation is to
acknowledge that it is difficult! So few people remember to do that and it can
really help. Just think about it - if you know someone really does not want to
tell you this and they feel awkward about it, but they feel they need to tell
you for your sake - wouldn't you be more receptive?
3. Be
Honest
Tell the person you're talking to that you will be honest and that
you would like them to be honest in return. That helps to make people feel safe
in airing their true thoughts. That is the best way to have a successful
conversation - difficult or not.
4. Be Attentive
Listen when the
other person is talking. If you do not understand what they are thinking and
feeling you won't get to know why the situation arose that needed this difficult
conversation. That will have you right back to Square one in double quick
time.
5.
Pause to Think
Think before you speak - especially when reacting to what
the other person says. They may be defensive, and if you react in anger, you'll
make things worse.
6. Keep Calm
Keep in mind your aim for having
this conversation in the first place. If you get angry and the person you are
talking to feels attacked and becomes defensive - what will you have
achieved?
7. Be tactful
If you are talking to someone about a
problem they have caused, keep in mind that people rarely cause a problem on
purpose. They may be quite unaware of the problem and your comments may come
like a bolt from the blue.
8. Empathy is Appreciated
Show empathy
with how the other person might be feeling. Once you have broached the difficult
topic, give the other person time and space to respond to you. If they have to
bottle up their thoughts and feelings they will just be concentrating on that
and they won't concentrate on what you are saying.
Also, they may become
bitter and resentful. That 's not good if you want something constructive to
come out of this situation.
9. Give Feedback
Try the sandwich
approach. This is often used in work situations where you need an employer to
improve in some aspect of their performance. This technique means telling the
person something they do well:
"I really like the way you
______."
Then you tell them the thing you want them to improve. Lastly,
you finish on a positive note:
"I'm sure that with the way you ______
you'll be able to
____________."
That is just an example, but you get
the idea. What you need to so is be clear about what you want to achieve in your
conversation and keep in mind also the feelings of the other person at all
times. Make sure you both are able to get out of the conversation with your
dignity intact. Difficult conversations do not need to be difficult!
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